How can a woman support a man on his journey from premature ejaculation to full-body orgasm (Part 2)?
There are at least three ways a woman can support a man on this path, and in Part 1 I described how she supports a man by adapting the way she makes love.
In this part I will describe how to support a man by listening to herself and her body and expressing her limits and desires.
I notice that we are all in the same mess - both men and women are not receiving quality sex education and we are learning through the internet and through talking to friends and acquaintances. Sometimes these conversations are useful for our sex life, but more often they are not.
Why not?
We rarely dare to talk honestly about our experiences, but also about what we really like about sex and what our hidden desires are. We do not dare because these are very sensitive topics and there is a good chance that we will not get a good response, which can be very uncomfortable. That is why we often prefer to pretend that we are "normal" or what we think is normal and generally accepted in society. It is easier, less risky, but also more boring. Eventually, we no longer even know ourselves what we really want in sex.
But we know that this is not it.
What I often notice with women is that they often forget that women are different from men.
A man is aroused within seconds and is ready for penetration. But a woman's body is made in such a way that it takes 20 - 40 minutes for her to be ready for entry. Especially to be emotionally ready. I also talk about this in my TEDx talk. If you as a woman explore sexuality, you will probably come to the realization that there is a big difference between having a man inside you after a few seconds or after half an hour. After connecting to him deeper. There is a big difference, above all, in the depth of connection, the depth of feeling and the intensity of pleasure.
For a woman, sex is way more fulfilling if she listens to her body and only lets a man in when she is really ready.
Okay, how does she make sex better for herself and how does she help him this way?
She helps him in many ways:
1) If she takes time for herself, he will also take time. This is very beneficial for him. He may not necessarily like it right away, but hopefully he will discover that this will help him to get to a greater depth of lovemaking. Sometimes both men and women have a problem with going more slowly and it is not easy, but it is worth it.
And with her taking more time, things are going more slowly for him too, and it is easier for him to learn to control his ejaculation.
2) If she listens to her body, she helps him too. If she listens to her body not only about needing more time, but also about everything else, and tells him what she likes and doesn't like, sex will be better for her as well. And as the woman enjoys it more, he enjoys it more, because men we want to give
pleasure to a woman and at the same time enjoy feeling her pleasure.
Again, sometimes it takes a bit of a journey to feel each other, as I notice that some people (both women and men) experience sex more through their imagination and less with their whole body.
Once you start experiencing sex with your whole body, you are more connected to your partner and you feel each other more deeply. Then less rubbing is needed and more pleasure is experienced. And energy flows more easily through the body, because it is not just held in the genitals, but nourishes the whole body. And because the energy is not kept just in the genitals, there's less chance of too much pressure building there, which triggers ejaculation. This pressure triggers ejaculation in a man and local orgasm in a woman. Roughly speaking, there are two types of orgasms - local and full-body orgasms. The local orgasm is usually (99%) the ejaculatory orgasm in the male and the clitoral orgasm in the female. The local orgasm is shallower and less satisfying than the full-body orgasm. More about this in my TEDx talk.
So if she listens to her body, it also helps the man to be in touch with his body, allowing him to avoid premature ejaculation.
And if she listens to herself, she also teaches him how to treat a woman. I notice that one important reason why sex is not satisfying is precisely because men do what they see in porn and women try to conform and try to please. Instead of saying, for example, "I don't like you taking me so quickly, I want more foreplay."
Finally, a word about fidelity.
Fidelity in relationships is important. But we forget one thing. We forget about ourselves, about being true to ourselves, to our hearts, to our feelings.
What is the point of being faithful to another if I am not first faithful to myself? If I am true to myself, all things fall into place and life is simpler. Because if I am true to myself, I take care of myself first, and takes some burden off for the others. But too often we are only loyal to others in a silent hope that we will be rewarded for it. Rewarded with love, attention, affection, acceptance... but is this of any value to me if I betray myself?
If a woman is true to herself, she helps the man to know what she wants and needs. Too often women behave in the sense of "I don't know what I want, just make me happy".
That is why I say "healthy selfishness is healthy" and remember: you count, your desires count and they are important. What you feel counts, so take it into account, because by considering your feelings you are doing good not only for yourself, but also for your partner, your neighbours and, in fact, the whole world. But if you ignore yourself and try to please, you are not doing yourself, your partner or the world any good.
Same goes for men.
We explore these things in a deeper and above all more practical way in the Tantric Massage workshop.
